Coming Home
by ValaMagic
Summary: Alex and Olivia talk and olivia remembers things about the past... set during Ghost. AO romance don't read if offended.


AN: This is just a short one shot based on the events of Ghost... with some spoilers along with the admission from CBS that there was unresolved sexual tension between Alex and Olivia. This is what i think is the most likely resolution of that tension given the course of the series. Well enjoy and please review.

Coming Home

Olivia Benson still wasn't sure whether or not the woman sitting next to her on the sofa was real. She wore plastic purple glasses, much like something Alex Cabot would have worn in shape, but Olivia knew that Alex would never pick the gaudy purple that she now wore. At least ADA Alexandra Cabot would never have worn purple glasses, she would've thought it was the sort of thing a college or high-school student would wear, not a grown woman, and certainly not a lawyer. Yet it occurred to Olivia that she did not know Alex anymore, the woman sitting next to her was, as far as the world was concerned Emily and Olivia did not know what Emily might wear. Though it seemed that Emily cared a little less about her appearance than Alex had, that she spent less time in over priced tailored suits, eating at fancy restaurants.

Olivia could imagine Alex, she couldn't think of her as Emily, in Wisconsin. She could see her sitting in her huge garden in spring; she'd be underneath a huge old oak tree, reclining on a garden chair, lemonade in one hand a book in the other reading the latest murder mystery, the closest she could get to the real thing now, or maybe her laptop on her lap searching the net for any information about her old friends and colleagues. She could see Alex in the kitchen, humming along to the tune in her head, or singing along to the radio while she mixed flour, milk and egg, chocolate chips and nuts. She'd pour the liquid into a muffin tray, make some phone calls while they cooked. When they were perfectly brown she'd pull them out, set them on the counter and while they cooled she'd mix icing sugar, milk, vanilla and red and blue food colouring and then she'd mix it until it was a soft purple. She'd smear it onto each individual cake until the frosting was perfectly even. Olivia had teased her friend about her perfect cupcakes, her own always looked like something a child made. Olivia could imagine Alex dropping a handful of coloured sprinkles onto each of the purple iced cakes, just as Olivia did in her own tiny apartment. Olivia remembered the first time they'd made those cupcakes, it was at Alex's apartment, they'd been drinking after work, talking about everything except the case they'd just closed.

Childhood, a sore subject with both of them for different reasons. Where Alex had led a privileged childhood, with money and toys; almost everything she'd ever wanted. Except the warmth of a family; her parents loved her but her father didn't have time for her and her mother was English, which it seemed to Alex explained everything. Mrs. Cabot was dignified at every moment, and when her daughter yearned for affection she reminded her that a young lady tidies up after herself, that she doesn't talk unless she's spoken to, doesn't whine, doesn't scream and certainly doesn't cry. Olivia had not lived the privileged childhood that Alex had. Olivia and her mother had never had a lot of money and most of what they did have went towards booze. Olivia had learnt at an early age that if she needed something to take the money for it while her mother was passed out, she very rarely got the things she wanted and although she too was loved it was easy to forget that when she was forced to fend for herself because her mother was too drunk to notice she was there.

When Alex had downed yet another vodka and lime she had sighed "You know, just once I wish I could have had one of those birthdays with balloons and kids, when no one cared if I had cake on my face or my dress was dirty. Just once I wish I could have had those cute little cupcakes, or fairy bread. Not a dignified dinner with my parents and their friends and a cake with a name that I can't even pronounce. All I ever wanted was a mud cake that said 'Happy Birthday Alex' in huge rainbow letters"

Olivia had nodded she understood all about birthdays, and it was the same thing she'd always wanted as a kid; a birthday party. Birthdays were one of the worst days in the Benson household, in fact Olivia had never even known what a birthday was until she started school. After that her mother made an effort to acknowledge the day that Olivia was born, but as Olivia got older the day was usually marked by an increase in Serena Benson's alcohol intake and ended with Olivia tucking her crying mother into bed before crawling into her own tiny bedroom and wondering what she'd done wrong.

"C'mon" Olivia had suddenly nudged Alex emptied her own drink and stood grabbing her coat from her chair.

"Where are we going?" Alex had asked, already grabbing her own coat.

"We're gonna make some of those cupcakes" Olivia never would have suggested it, had she not drunk quite so much vodka.

Both women were steady on their feet when they began the two block walk to Alex's apartment. Olivia remembered laughing that night, the case that had driven them to the bar only a dim throbbing memory. They'd stopped at the market near Alex's grabbing everything they'd need.

"What about these?" Alex had asked picking up a packet of chocolate chips as they searched for icing sugar. Olivia had nodded and they'd been thrown in the basket along with a multi-pack of food colouring, milk, sprinkles and vodka. They'd been happy, Olivia could hardly believe that it was only a few weeks later that Alex had become officially dead to the world.

That night they'd made cupcakes together, chocolate chip and nutty with purple icing and topped with sprinkles. They'd laughed and sung along with the crazy songs of the seventies ending up with more of the mixture on themselves and the bench than in the bowl. And suddenly all of that seemed so long ago, and Olivia reminded herself that it was, two years had passed. They'd slept next to each other that night, they'd been drunk and they were friends, yet Olivia remembered wishing she could kiss Alex and she'd thought that sometime in the very near future that would be a possibility, but it had never happened. Alex had 'died' and Olivia had mourned her loss, Casey Novak had taken over SVU and when Olivia was invited to dinner by a guy she met at a coffee shop she'd said yes.

Olivia forced herself back to the present and the woman she was currently charged with protecting. Alex was sitting on the sofa legs curled beneath her and her brow furrowed in concentration as she read through 'the Ghost's' file wondering how to push his buttons. Alex looked up suddenly, feeling Olivia's eyes on her and smiled her blue eyes fixed on Olivia's brown ones.

"You want a drink or something?" Olivia asked feeling nervous under Alex's stare.

"Sure" Alex nodded brushing a stray piece of her behind her ear.

Olivia stood up "You know I like your hair longer. It looks good" she said gesturing towards Alex's blonde hair.

"Thanks" Alex fingered her golden locks as Olivia headed to the small kitchenette grabbing some sodas and muffins. Alex took the proffered goods gratefully setting the file down on the table. She took a sip of her soda and after contemplating her muffin set it down on the table untouched before turning to Olivia.

"I've thought about you, a lot" she admitted, softly the ghost of a smile on her face, though it was almost engulfed by pain.

"I've thought about you too" Olivia admitted setting her own soda and muffin down on the table.

"I saw you on tv a couple of times, with Elliot and Casey, I even saw Cragen and Munch a few times. I agonised over whether I might have won the cases she'd lost or lost cases she'd won. I used to imagine that you had all forgotten about me, and I feared that Alex Cabot really had died that night." Alex felt tears pooling in her blue eyes as she tried to explain things to Olivia, the first person who she'd really been able to talk to in two years.

"We never forgot you Alex. I visit your grave as often as I can, even though I know you're not there I feel closer to you, and I talk even though I know you don't hear me. And Alex, Casey could never replace you"

Alex smiled slightly through her tears, Olivia had always had a knack for knowing what people needed to hear. "Liv?" She asked, continuing without waiting for a response, her voice barely above a whisper.

"These last two years, I've found out what it's like to truly regret something. I lost you. And it wasn't until I lost you that I realised I should've told you when I had the chance. That's the thing that's haunted me the most, I wasted my time with you. If I'd known how little time I had left with you I would've said something, I would have cherished every minute." Alex babbled on while Olivia tried desperately to distinguish what the usually well spoken blonde was saying while she paced back and forth across the room.

"What are you talking about?" Olivia finally interrupted confused.

"Us" Alex replied simply "At least I thought..." She trailed off stopping dead in the middle of the room, her shoulders hunched slightly and Olivia found herself wanting to hold her friend close and promise her everything was all right but her body wouldn't obey her and she wasn't sure she'd be able to tell her friend that things would be okay, because she wasn't sure they would be.

"I'd hoped there would be too" Olivia eventually admitted causing her friend's head to spring up suddenly searching her eyes for any hint of deception, but found none.

"Liv, I'm probably going to have to go back into witness protection after the trial, Velez is still out there and he still wants me dead. So this might be my only chance to tell you that I think I might love you. I know it doesn't change anything, but I need you to know that"

"Alex, you're wrong... it changes everything. And on that note there's something I should tell you as well. As much as you love me, that is how much I love you." Olivia admitted, her voice breaking only slightly, it was the first time she had ever professed her love and meant it.

"So, where do we go from here?" Alex asked the hint of a smile on her face, wishing she could fully embrace the newfound love without the shadow of her imminent departure and separation from Olivia.

"I guess that no matter what you'll be relocated after the trial, unless of course Velez and his friends are dealt with between now and then" Olivia recapped laughing at the improbability of it.

"Unlikely" Alex agreed.

"And I would never ask you to stay alone while you're gone, and I would go with you, but you would never allow it." Olivia reasoned.

"You're right" Alex laughed realising how well Olivia knew her "So all we have is right now?" Alex realised sadly.

"Yeah" With their silent agreement in place Olivia approached her blonde friend, aware that her heart was already thumping in her chest.

When her lips pressed against Alex's she knew that she would never feel that good again. She was home.


End file.
